Offspring

In the event your plot to gain immortality fails but you have established a strong empire, you may consider adopting or creating an heir to the throne. Naturally, Evil Overlord Jr. must learn the niceties of ruling the world without being spoiled by a pampered upbringing. Better yet, if you have enough spare time, why not create a dozen or more children? How better to promote natural selection than pitting three or more children against each other to win their parents’ favor and become ruler of your empire?

Charming Daughter –Assuming the hero is a male, it is to be expected daughter dearest will love you, care for you, and only be slightly disturbed by your remorseless actions. And then, just as you’re about to slay the Hero, he convinces her with the abilities of an internet predator and she betrays you. It’s tragic, really, because you never once considered sending her to the dungeon, flaying her for incompetence, or abandoning her like the Hero inevitably will.

Devious Son – You’ve raised him from birth to take your place on the throne. If there’s one thing you forgot to teach him, it had to be that he shouldn’t betray his father/mother until they’re ready to retire from their throne. But no, the immature whelp decides to betray you, take over your empire, and then be defeated by the Hero. Selfish jerk, why doesn’t he realize you might have given him your empire when you’re done playing with it?

Being an Offspring to an Evil Overlord

Maybe there's a prophecy about the offspring coming back and killing the Evil Overlord and the typically responsible parent figures "It's me or him"; maybe the parent has to keep a pact made with a dark power in which the child's life is the price; maybe the child is just born into a family of power but Mom and/or Dad likes your younger sibling better and wants you out of the way of their ascent into power; maybe the parent would rather see you dead than with someone he didn't choose for you; and or maybe the parent is just plain ...evil. How does one survive in such pandemonium?

1.      Rather than being simply an eye candy stage prop the Hero uses then abandons, why not learn how to run Daddy/Mommy’s empire? That way, if anything nasty to happens to Daddy, you can take over. And then, when you’re ready, you can make sure something nasty happens to Daddy.

2.      Make up your mind whether you love the Hero/Heroine before torturing them to death. Don’t try to do both at once.

3.      Don’t fall in love with the Hero.

4.      If you do fall in love with the Hero, don’t immediately tell Daddy. He’ll just send you to the dungeon. And then the Hero will rescue you, putting you in a morally awkward position if you decide that Daddy is more important than the shallow Hero.

5.      Don’t be surprised when the Hero tells you that Daddy is evil, for he is indeed evil.

6.      If the Hero kidnaps you, takes you to his secret base, and tells you all his plans, smile, leave, and find another friend/lover. Evidently this Hero is so stupid he will not be around for very long.

7.      If any of the Henchmen try to make a move on you, maim them severely. Daddy will be proud.

8.      Drugs won’t get the Hero to love you. Your dashing looks, being an Evil Offspring, will easily win him/her over. If the Hero prefers some mindless yet good looking person, they obviously have poor tastes and you can do better.

9.      If the Hero has one, don’t compete with their True Love. You’ll fail miserably and be killed.

10.  Watch your back. When Daddy is warned of assassins in the palace, it’s either you or his Lieutenant who will die first.

11.  If Daddy imprisoned Mommy for the rest of her life after she betrayed him, maybe you should stick with the parent you already know loves you? Taking your chances that Mommy might love you isn’t worth it.

12.  Do not be the one who oppresses the lower class. Daddy can make his own enemies.

13.  If you have brothers and sisters, don’t kill yourself by trusting them. They’ll only manipulate you until you’re useless. Of course, if they’re stupid enough to put their trust in you, why not manipulate them?

14.  If any of your siblings try to enlist your help to overthrow Daddy, smile, agree, and then turn them in. They're either stupid (in which case the plot would certainly fail and you'll get caught), setting you up (in which case not turning them in is a very bad idea), or they've turned Good (in which case life under the new regime would be boring).

15.  Laugh at all of the Sidekick’s jokes. That way when you pretend to be their friend, they will be more easily fooled and eventually backstabbed.

16.  Daddy’s Lieutenant works for Daddy. When he catches you flirting with the Hero, he will gladly accept whatever you bribe him with, then immediately turn you in. If he doesn’t turn you in, you can always tell Daddy. This will not only win Daddy’s favor, but it will get rid of the only person who knows your secret.