D O O M S D A Y D E V I C E S (Part 2)
This section being continuation of eleven that I just remembered to construct. First, examine the possible locations for prebuilt Doomsday Devices:
- Ancient Temple, constructed of incredibly durable Bamboo Technology.
- Prebuilt in someone else’s lair. Beware of booby traps or self destruct mechanisms.
- Factories. If they were damaged somehow or unsafe to begin with.
Contrary to popular belief, there is a significant difference between death traps and doomsday devices. One is used to either take over the world or make sure nobody else will, and the other is to make sure the Hero leaves you alone. Here are some examples for you to classify yourself:
1. 1. Dart launchers triggered by a passing human.
2. 2. Moon altering gravitational beam.
3. 3. Temporary platforms.
4. 4. Nuclear weapons that aren’t called that because the anime writers lived through WW2 and remember Hiroshima/Nagasaki.
5. 5. Giant rolling boulders that are somehow perfectly round.
6. 6. Wave Motion Gun - an enormous piece of applied phlebotinum (fairy dust for writers) capable of blowing away an entire enemy fleet with one shot, and maybe even blowing up an entire planet.
7. 7. Stairs that become fun slides, maybe leading to a pit of spikes.
Actual uses of Doomsday Devices are, in order from greatest to least usefulness: threatening the world, cleaning up God’s mess, or being remembered for something (I in no way endorse any acts of violence that do not involve destroying the entire species at once. No petty killing!). Personally, I would have to say you should never use your Doomsday Device, though the Hero is too dumb to realize that, and due to Murphy’s Law, if you don’t make it working, the Hero will find out.
Destroying the Earth is not as easy as pressing a big red button. It takes decades of hard work.
· Planning
Failing to plan is planning to fail. Invariably on your quest to power, government agents will start lasering their way through your ceiling and crawling out of the woodwork, or you'll have your Doomsday Device ready and armed but nowhere safe to stand when you fire it. You need to plan!
Assuming, of course, that you and any advisors you will allow to side with you do not intend to "go down with the ship", it is particularly advisable to make plans for alternate living arrangements before you embark on a course of action which may result in the destruction of the humanity, the earth, society etc.
· Careers
First, you must decide whether you want to design it yourself, pay someone else, or steal the government’s plans that are probably defended by ninjas.
If you decide to make the thing yourself and aren’t MacGyver, you should probably consider taking a few science courses these coming years (quantum, atomic, and astrophysics in particular), but also some electronic and mechanical engineering, mathematics and possibly robotics. After this, get a job working with the technology you hope to harness, build your doomsday machine in your lab, and bam, you're done. Try not to let your employer find out, they get a bit upset if you’re spending company time trying to destroy everything.
If you decide to yank someone else’s’ plans or hire someone else to do it all for you, then you can choose a different path. Why not study finance, economic, politics, management, charisma, speaking, persuasion, bribery, and get some mob connections. Hopefully the above will help you obtain these things:
- capital
- duct tape & paper clips
- cheap labor
I say without sarcasm or arrogance that today, of all the people in the world, the President of the US would be the person most likely to be able to threaten to destroy the earth should he decide to (or be convinced to decide to…). If you feel you lack the ability to make it in politics, you should join the armed forces and bribe your way, avoiding duty of course, to Supreme General or whatever the highest rank is.
Religion is a useful, albeit dangerous tool. Prop yourself up as a religious leader – you’re already guaranteed your minions will be much more loyal than a soldier would be to his general or a citizen to his King/President/Supreme Dictator-For-Life. Naming yourself a messiah, prophet, or similar these days doesn’t seem to cause as much skepticism, so unless you were very persuasive, you'd probably experience greatest success by hijacking an existing mainstream religion for your own ends. One potential pitfall is that there's a limit to what your followers can provide you in terms of monetary offerings and labor. Manpower alone is not enough. You'd still need at least one scientific mastermind, and frankly I see scientific masterminds as being among the least likely to follow you... But this is a kink you should be able to work out.
Of course, by the time it becomes even possible to destroy the Earth, Madagascar might be the dominant superpower, or the whole world might be unified as a single nation, or maybe the whole galaxy is full of humans, there's no such thing as money, and solid platinum asteroids and robot workers are plentiful. I don't know. Whatever you can manage. Anyway, once you have everything you need at your disposal, make the calls, submit your proposals, and set the project in motion.
Remember, the best way to succeed is to keep it a secret. For some reason, people seem to neglect the huge death ray in your garage, the fact the moon is getting bigger, and so on until it is too late. Despite that, you should ultimately plan for your shortcut to power becoming public, and the public not liking it for some reason. For all you know, this paper might be laced with trackers that can detect your body heat, and as you read FBI agents are closing in on your location. Beware of realistic enemy responses such as a very desperate move (ignoring the word “hostage”) to a very unrealistic, clichéd one (sending in Rambo). Because of this, you'll need weapons. And doors. Heavy, pressure sealing, limb cut-off-ing doors at regular intervals. You’ve already sacrificed your parents’ love probably, so why not sacrifice physical comfort and wear that space suit under your clothes at all times? Please have an escape route.
And lastly, if all your efforts fail, don't give up! Remember, nobody has ever successfully destroyed the earth, environment, atmosphere, society, humanity, the wheat harvest, and so on… Yet. |
