The Value

An age old philosophical question; can one value any human life over another? Naturally, a human would say their family is worth more than a stranger, a mother is worth more than a single person, and a child is worth more than an adult when faced with a choice. But you, being an Evil Overlord, are not of the same distinction as a human. You will, every day of your glorious, pampered life, be faced with moral decisions. From whether to eat meat or plants to whether to make an example of a person or offer amnesty, you will always have to think carefully before you give that rebel a bowtie and a basket.

… Of Life

The United States government and all corporations that require safety, will, of course, put a breaking point on safety measure cost vs. probability of saving a life. According to my father’s teacher at GMU, the average government price per human life is between six to eight million dollars. In travel, it’s about one million for trains, and twenty thousand for cars. Depending on the population and population density of your empire (China vs. Russia) you may want to vary the price you put on people. And, most importantly, always remember that human organs are currently worth a lot. An auction for one human kidney on EBay went up to 5.75 million before it was cancelled due to being illegal. So instead of throwing them away in a war, why not sell your minions to hospitals?

Another important factor is whether they (the area/group in question) had a fair chance or not. If they were not allowed a fair chance at education unrestricted by their parents’ wealth, then it’s not their fault they’re useless to your regime. However, it is their fault they didn’t escape before you cut off all travel in and out of your empire and began to “cut off the dead weight” so to say.

… Of Land

All land is useful. Even swampland in Florida is decent enough to house a missile silo or two. But do you really want to rule land? No! You want to conquer people who can build monuments, cringe in terror, and tell their children about you. So instead of lunging at a large chunk of land you can grow your mutant wheat on, why not select a highly populated area full of eager, hardworking humans perfect to join your army?

…Of Morality

Morals are what define evil and good. Despite your title, you’re not really an “Evil” Overlord. That’s just what those misunderstood whelps who you rightfully enslaved call you.  You’re smart enough to know there is no “good” and “evil”, but rather there are various shades of grey. So how does one judge whether one side of morals is worth more than other? Simply by determining which is more effective at accomplishing your goals in life. If you want to spend all your time helping others for no reward, then why not be “good”? If you want to do whatever it takes to save humanity from itself, then why not be “evil”? Maybe you want to be loved? Maybe feared? Or be respected? Or be worshipped? The choice is up to you. Be warned, however, the other Evil Overlords won’t hesitate to trim off some extra weight that is delaying the evolution and immortality of mankind. Remember, Heroes aren’t the opposite of you; they’re not “Good” at all, they just don’t get blamed for their actions:

"Congratulations Autobots! We stopped Megatron with only fifty humans killed in the crossfire! A new record!"
"Hooray!"

--Optimus Prime

Dear Journal, I had a horrible day today. I stopped Count Apocalyptogeddon by tossing a couple dozen cars at him; though I was a little worried he might have bruised a rib. I took a break and explained to some kids that Graffiti is vandalism and like destroying property that's not yours, they seemed to get it. Then when I told a civilian I was taking his car to get to the bank to stop a robbery, he was all pissy about me "stealing" it! The nerve of some people! Oh, and those henchmen Count Apocalyptogeddon hired after the last dozen died sure do bleed a lot, I wonder if club soda can get out blood stains?

--Love and liberty, Lady Lumina

…Of Camaraderie

You don’t need to trust people to conquer the world. You only need to know they won’t stab you in the back. Rather than stop loving someone when they betray you, why not instead stop giving them “the antidote” and let the problem solve itself? Spend a few decades engineering a virus that can only be cured by you and causes horrible pain and a long, slow death, and you’ll see the benefit very soon.

As has been said numerous times in the past chapters, you’re a genius if you’re reading this. So obviously you’re going to be smarter than all your friends. Which, in turn, means they’re just mooching off your power. When you conquer the world, suddenly all the “hot” people of the opposite gender will “love” you and all the people of the same gender will pledge allegiance to fight to the death for you. How do you filter out the sincere from those seeking only to bask in your aura of eternal glory? You don’t. Friends are bad for your health. The only value in friendship is that you have a happier life but die much sooner. It’s a bad trade.